Mrs Gowon: Power Of Silence At 80

Silence, as a tool for personal growth and leadership, is mostly underutilised by people who constantly seek attention and try to dominate their environments. The person who rarely speaks commands attention when they finally do.

As much as the Bible says that sin is not to be absent in many words, so the silence is not to be abhorred by a person who wants to take command of their environment.

Silence attracts attention and can make quiet people seem to hold deeper truths that agitate the mind.  When deployed as a deliberate act of strategic control, life becomes a silent movie, giving the wielder of silence the upper hand. When people speak, they give away their next plan, but when they keep silent, their foes are in complete darkness over what to expect from them.

When people lack information about you, you’re safer than those who talk beyond what is necessary.  You can only control your environment when you avoid noise and embrace silence that stimulates neurogenesis.

Strictly Private

Few people have embraced silence as a strategy for personal growth and leadership.

One of the few I have met recently is Mrs Victoria Gowon, who still stands unbent by the ailments associated with people approaching octogenarians.

Little is known about Nigeria’s youngest First Lady, who was thrust into the national limelight and later put the country on the global map for the uniqueness of African fashion when she accompanied her husband, General Yakubu Gowon, during the state visit to the United Kingdom in June 1973.

Much has been speculated about her, but only the recent release of her husband’s memoir has thrown light on the taciturn former First Lady whose life can best be described as strictly private.

Always by her husband’s side for over 57 years, Mrs Gowon first astounded me with her strong articulation and ability to recall events in detail.

In a nation where people love to hear their voices,  Lady Victoria, who walked from Wusasa in Zaria, Kaduna State, is an enigmatic icon in the deployment of silence, not to ignore the public but to be distracted from what she set out to achieve.

After marrying Gowon in April 1969, she identified her singular goal: to be a dutiful wife and an active mother committed to raising children of good character worthy of emulation.

Raised Toughly

As the third child of a family of 10, comprising two males and eight females, the former First Lady describes her early life as disciplined under the watchful eyes of her parents, Mallam Walter Zakari and Mrs Lydia Fati Zakari. Unlike many parents, the Zakaris trained their children to help with dishes, cooking, and more, without gender discrimination. She recalls that on weekends, her father would taste the meals the boys prepared to assess their cooking skills.

She recalled that the girls were encouraged to bring both female and male friends to the house for interactions.  As in the past, the family structure included not only close family but also distant relations.

Recalling how her parents warned them against any discrimination against anyone who was not a sibling, her father, one of the early bureaucrats in the North, always reminded his children to treat others as they wanted to be treated, as instructed in the scriptures.

Her mother had to abandon her dream of becoming a nurse to look after the children.

Through her mother’s decision, Lady Victoria learned the essence of motherhood as a sacrifice for her children.

She later changed her mind and studied nursing to fulfil her mother’s dream after completing her secondary education in 1964 at St Louis College, which was later renamed Queen Amina College, Kakuri-Kaduna.

Instructive Lessons

Raised in the rectitude of humility and humanity,  the footprints of Mrs Gowon have continued to demonstrate grace and elegance in complete devotion to her husband, her children, Ibrahim, Saratu and Rahila, including humanity. Like her mother, Mrs Gowon did all she could to stand up for her husband after his overthrow in July 1975.

Her marriage of over 57 years proves that marriage lasts only when couples stand by their vows.

She revealed the foundation of a good marriage when she told me she has never had a misunderstanding because of a third person.  The long years in exile have not diminished her insistence on discipline. Her life at 80, and still counting, remains a walk in accepting the ancient landmarks of trust and loyalty to a cause.  Her over 57 years’ marriage is a constant reminder that a shared destiny between mother and father makes a fruitful home and endures for generations.

Still blessed with a sharp memory befitting her prime, Mrs Gowon, who values inner peace over public applause, remains defined by what she values most: devotion to the proper upbringing of children, respect for family values and respect for our humanity across socio-ethnic and religious divides.

Given the strict path of discipline she trod and the parental responsibility she witnessed in her youth, the former First Lady is certainly not at home today, where parents are enmeshed in the search for wealth and swallowed by social media platforms.

At 80, Mrs Gowon is at peace with herself, having fulfilled her duties as a wife and devoted mother, pouring her life into her children, whose lives lack the pride normally associated with children of the rich and powerful.

Her eyes still carry that warning stare against anyone who tries to push her to violate her privacy.

As she turns 80 today, Mrs Gowon’s life is the quintessence of duty and devotion, devoid of floodlights. Happy Birthday to Nigeria’s youngest First Lady, who was honoured by President Goodluck Jonathan with the nation’s third highest title: ‘Commander of the Federal Republic’ (CFR) in 2011.

May the years ahead continue to be fruitful and fulfilling, in good health, and in service of God and country.